Monday, 25 November 2013

Let's talk about sex(uality)

Sexuality is fluid, whether you're gay or you're straight or you're bisexual, you just go with the flow.
- Shane McCutcheon, The L word

Human sexuality is possibly the most confusing and complicated issue I've faced in the 23 years of my life and I know I'm not alone with my thoughts and questions about it. We all chose to put labels on our own and other people's sexuality because it's easier to understand but for most of us it's much more complicated than that.

Sexuality is best represented as something that may change or stay the same in a person's life span, You can have homosexual experiences and still identify as heterosexual and vice versa. Identifying yourself with a label such as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual...etc is a very personal, individual thing and in no way a something you should feel forced to boxing yourself into a certain definition that society dictates.

If someone was considering exploring their sexuality I would suggest reading as many psychology books on it as possible, experimenting in ways you are comfortable with and looking into the Kinsey scale (also known as the Heterosexual–Homosexual Rating Scale) which attempts to identify a person's sexual identity based on their responses and experience.

Back to myself, ever since I was young (around 14 to 15) I've had a fascination with women, their hair, body, breasts...etc and the posters on my wall weren't of the teenage heartthrobs of the time they were my female idols. They were Stevie Nicks, Christina Ricci, Bettie Page and Shirley Manson, they weren't just the people I aspired to be or look up to. They were beautiful creatures too, in their own definable way whether it was their style, intellect, attitude and for most of them, all of those things put together.

My first sexual experience with girls came when I was 12 years old when my friends and I, when we used to play spin the bottle and taking turns kissing each other to practice for when the time came when it was a boy. By that time I was curious but still stuck to boys with my crushes being wide and varied from the typical "jock" to the long haired metal enthusiast. I didn't take my curiosity very seriously till I hit 20 years old and found out I enjoyed drunkenly kissing girlfriends at nightclubs a little too much, though I still had a preference towards men I still wanted to venture out more towards women.

As of now, I've had two crushes on women on more than just a sexual level, one was a girl I was sitting near on the train who I was eavesdropping on her conversation with her friend, whatever she happened to say made me want to talk to her and get to know her. The other girl I met in a club, talked to for a bit and her confidence and style drew me in, though I wanted to approach her again I didn't have the guts to go for it.

I still consider myself bisexual (though others would say bi-curious since I haven't had much experience with women) and feel like I'm more attracted to the person rather than their gender, only time and experience will tell what (or if) I end up identifying with in the end. Maybe the only term I'm comfortable with is just sexual.

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